Tools of the Trade

Well hi there good folk of Hog Nation. As most of you know, I've been on hiatus for a couple of months. Like any other sport, hogslaying just can't go on for 12 months of the year. I know all of you have tried it, so you probably know that cuttin' up hog meat on a 95 degrees, humid July day just never turns out as well as you'd like it to. So like a good slayer of hogs should, I've just been sweatin', thirstin', carryin' on, and crushing proverbial hogs during these summer months.

Today I would like to announce the commencement of Hog Season 2010. Autumn is upon us in Kentucky, bringing the perfect climate for slaying, dismantling and preserving swine, all the while slaying the proverbial hog. Moreover, most of you won't be workin' too much tobacco as ember days fall on this week (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ember_days). So you should have plenty of time to reflect on God's gift to man and what it means to you--the hog, the proverbial hog, and the hog killin' man's good fortune of slaying them both.

Hogslaying is a sport. It is also a craft, some may say an art. The former requires determination, endurance and grit. The latter calls for vision, dexterity and handiness with a blade. Accordingly, the devoted Hog Slaying man is a sportsman and a craftsman. Every sportsman or craftsman must have tools to pursue his trade.

Here are the tools needed for Hogslaying:

#1. Homemade Knives

As you see, here we have three variations of homemade knives. I'm not sure who made these...Probably my great grandfather Estill or "Pickles" Estill. I do know that these things have some miles on them. Blood, sweat and tears and bourbon went into forging these bad boys. And by-God, blood sweat and tears and bourbon will go into slaying hogs with them. It's the only way.

Homemade Knife, Variation 4:

#2. Sausage Grinder

The sausage grinder is the main hardware at the sausage station. It is usually a two or three man job. As you can see here, the Spiritual Leader is mashin' the hog cuttings in and the Apprentice is packaging and listening to his teachings. It is not uncommon for "The Judge" to reach in and put a pinch in his mouth and tell you "Them's fresh sausage grindins." Don't be alarmed, he's doing you a favor.

#3. All-Purpose Grinder

For all-purpose grinding.

#4. Spices sitting on the assorted chemicals shelf.

For several months of the year you would think, "What in the hell is the ground sage doing here by the Belt Conditioner and the Acrylic Spray Paint." But then Hog Season rolls around and suddenly, like divine revelation, you just know.

#5. Propane Stove

Because there's no pork loin fresher than straight off the hog.

#6. Cast Iron Skillet

Once again, there's no pork loin fresher than just off the hog. No city slicker cooks off of these bad boys.

Alright folks, there are various other tools that go into a good hog kill (such as your bandsaw and your Southern States farm supplies hat), but I couldn't capture a picture of them all. However, I do have a couple BONUS ITEMS for you!!!

Bonus item #1: Finished Product

Country Hams, One and Two year old. Still a curin'.

Bonus Item #2: Oertel's '92

Straight out of Louisville, the quintessential hog slayer's beer. Slogan: "Cheerful Refreshment." Acceptable substitutes: Stroh's, Old Milwaukee, PBR. Good for when yer-a-thirstin'.

Bonus Item #3: Homemade Tobacco Knife

If you don't know what this is, or think it's a "hatchet" instead of a "tobacco knife," then you took the wrong exit, City Slicker.

Bonus Item #4: Moonshine

Whether it's of the White Lighting, Swamp Warter, or Apple Pie variation, it is a must-have for any good hog kill.

Bonus Item #5: Ancient Age

Go on down to Bob's Bar with Uncle Jack and get ye a half-pint of it. It may bring tears to your eyes.

Bonus Item #6: Camouflage

Because someone will be wearing it.

Alright folks, thanks for reading and happy Hog Season 2010! Go and slay a proverbial hog to celebrate the cause!

May 27 song of day

Howdy, today's song(s) of the day are from the album "Knock Knock" by Smog. Although he goes by his given name now, Bill Callahan recorded under the Smog moniker from the late 1980s to 2007. Released in 1999, Knock Knock is Smog's seventh album. Look for Callahan's trademark repetitive song structure, baritone voice and deadpan delivery, which may obscure but never undermines the dark irony and emotional complexity of his songs. And enjoy every second of it, for thunder's sake! "Hit the Ground Running" may have a special place in the heart of a young travelin' hog slayer--"I had to leave the country, though there was some nice folk there. Now I don't know where I'm going, all I know is I'll hit the ground running." From country ham, to city ham, then back again. Godspeed Hog Nation.

Smog - Hit the Ground Running

Smog - Cold Blooded Old Times

Smog - No Dancing

songs of the day

Here are three tracks from the 1982 debut album "Garlands" by Scottish precursors to the dream pop and shoegaze movements, Cocteau Twins. "Blind Dumb Deaf" has been in my head for a week straight now, I strongly suggest a good listen. Enjoy.

cocteau twins - blind dumb deaf

cocteau twins - garlands

cocteau twins - shallow then halo.mp3

real song of the day

I posted this a week ago or so. Here's the link for download. Silver Jews rule.

Silver Jews - Advice to the Graduate

Hog Cut of the Year Award Presentation!

The polls have been closed for some time now and it looks like 2 year old country ham has run away with the title as Hog Nation's preferred cut of hog. I'll be honest--my personal vote went to pork loin. The way I see it, there's nothing better than being at a hog kill and frying up some fresh-cut loin in an iron skillet on your makeshift propane stove, then warshin' it down with an ice cold proverbial hog. But I can't be too partial, as I am a true lover of all things hog, so it is with great pleasure that I present Hog Cut of the Year to 2-Year-Old Country Ham. Hog Nation's vote has proven that, just like homemade grain alcohol, fine hog meat only gets better with age. 2-Year-Old Country Ham has put in the hours--17,520 of them to be exact, hanging in a paper sack from the rafters of a barn curing in salt--to become Hog Nation's favorite meat, that delectable slice of ham that just melts into salt in your mouth. Hog lovers, raise your proverbial hogs to your own Hog Cut of the Year, 2-Year-Old Country Ham--it has left us one thirsty and happy nation under hog.

Today's song of the day is an homage to country ham. Brings tears to my eyes every time.

"I graduated from the University of May's Lick with a B.A. in the fine art of Swine Killing"

Howdy Hog Nation,

Sorry I haven't been in touch for a couple weeks. I've been toiling over schoolwork trying to get everything in order so I can graduate from college, and guess what...boy did I make it! Now, I'm not one to put too much worry into this school junk. Hell, I graduated from May's Lick University with a B.A. in Swine Killin', and in my book that's about all you need to live the well-balanced life of a hog slayin' man. But the parents insist that I tough it out with this school junk, even in the face of all the hog there is to kill out there in the foothills of northeastern Kentucky--and hell, I ain't one to disappoint, so I put down the swamp warter (city slickers, see the hog glossary) and picked up the books, and here I am folks. I can't enlighten you with too much hog lore, as I have to meet some classmates to slay some proverbial hogs before the big moment arrives later today. However, I will leave you with a tune from one of my favorite bands, the good ole' Silver Jews--their songwriter David Berman is a wise man, and I'll be taking his advice as should all of the Hog Nation. See you at the Superdome.

"On the last day of your life, don't forget to die

The things that you do will always make your mama cry"

cinco de cerdo (hog)

Howdy Hog Nation, happy cinco de cerdo (fifth of hog for all of yall who ain't versed in mexican). Sorry for the inactivity on the hog blog for the last week or so. Finals have been upon me and I've just been too busy to post. Personally, I don't really think wastin' my time with this school junk is any more important than slayin' proverbial hogs. Hell, I already got a B.A. in Swine Killin' from the University of May's Lick, and that seems like all a well-balanced hog slayin' man would need to succeed in life. But, my parents insist on this school junk, and I'm not really one to disappoint. Anyway, I'm off to celebrate the completion of my last undergraduate assignment and to slay some dos equis to celebrate the great Mexican tradition of hog slaying. ¡Feliz Cinco de Cerdos tacuaches!